How about I start out with this: She's thrown-up in my mouth, shot poop on me (and I really mean "shot"), managed to squirt me with her pee and kept us pretty tired. How's that? ;) Even though, some may think those things are negative and why would anyone ever have a baby and at the time was frustrating, I already look back at those things and laugh. And for some very strange reason, I'm glad those things happened to me and wouldn't trade that experience with a more pleasant one.
So does that sum it all up? No way! Although, its difficult to really express my feelings on the situation; completely that is (I guess you'll have to try it yourself to understand or already have).
I guess what I feel like the most is that this baby is a miracle and I mean that in every sense of the word. I know that all babies are miracles, but what I mean is that having her truly was and is a miracle. That's because Jen and I had been trying for 4 years. We went through just about every fertility treatment available. Months before she was conceived, a fertility doctor told us that they had exhausted all their efforts and that there was only 2 options left, "In vitro fertilisation" or adoption. Jen was devastated and I tried to keep hope for both of us. Then a miracle happened! We conceived without any treatments. Read Jen's blog "How I found out I was pregnant".
Speaking of Jen, she has accused me of being overly paranoid and she's probably right. When she was on the plane with us on our way to San Jose, I noticed that every so often she would squirm and her feet or hands would touch the seat and you know how dirty planes can be. So I told Jen that as soon as we land, we need to disinfect her hands and feet. She thought I was being overly worried. Also, we just had a pretty bad wind storm in Vancouver, I noticed some really weird noises outside while I was holding her on the couch, so I immediately sprang to my feet with Kaylene in my arms and seconds later, a 12 foot branch snapped off and hit our house. Paranoid? Maybe. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm changed in more ways than one, because of this little girl. Paranoia is one of them!
Watching her born is without words. Just truly amazing and at that moment I felt all of Heavenly Father's love pouring down upon us, really! I marvel everytime I hold her and melt when she looks directly into my eyes.
The rest of the time since she was born has pretty much been spent loving/cuddling with her, tending to her needs, changing her diapers (YES, I do this too), playing and of-course learning with her. I'm sure it will be a constant learning experience and there will be good times and bad times. I recently asked my sister Nancy when was her favorite time during her kids growing up and she said: "Everytime. Because the second, you get use to them one way, they change. As soon as you get use to them crawling, then they start walking and as soon as you get use to them screaming at night, they start waking you up early in the morning by pouncing on you". That really put in perspective for me, make sure I give of my time so that I don't miss any special moment.
I wonder everyday what she'll be like, what her personality will be like, what she'll look like, how she'll treat other and most of all, what our relationship will be like? I can only try to do my best and pray to my Heavenly Father that I can attain all the attributes of a good Dad!
Change? Indeed!
--Paul
No comments:
Post a Comment